An Actors Life For Me

As the year dwindles to a close, most people (including actors) look back on the year and think "What have I accomplished?" "What do I want to achieve?"and "How many things can I write off on my taxes?" We create lists and either determine that we had a successful year or that we could have done better, and often it is a combination of both. But the difference for actors is that we look back in our audition books or excel files (If you are new to the acting/audition world, you need to have one of these) and we see "Wow, I went on 50 auditions and got 1". (And this is only a half a year estimate for me). For those of you who are math people (which is probably only a slight few) that is 2% of the auditions I went on, I booked. That means I was looking for work 98% of the time. Yes, that is the life style I chose as do many of the other actors in the city. In other words, we could probably qualify to sit on a street corner and beg for money. So why do we keep trucking at this career?

I found myself pondering this question before I went home to the south for Christmas. I was beginning to feel that every audition I went on I knew I lost right after walking through the door. Maybe it was time to start teaching or being a theatre critic (which I realized would end up taking more schooling and maybe be just as hard to get into?) But then I went home and got a healthy dose of why I love theatre. 1. I missed NY, I went a whole 10 days without seeing a show! 2. I was surrounded by family that knows that I love it and that it's too early to give up and 3. I watched a theatre documentary about breaking into the biz. In the movie, actors talk about their struggles, passions, successes, and odd jobs and all I could think when I watched it was "yes, this is more moving than a romantic comedy!" I'm IN love with this profession.

Also I was much more respected at home. For instance, we went to Sears and wanted a grill but we were going to be unable to fit it in the car with us. This is the scene that followed:
The Sears sale guy (jokingly) (said to my mom): Well maybe you could just leave one of your kids behind!
My mom: We just got this one home!
Sears guy (to Me): Oh yeah? Do you go to school elsewhere?
Me: Actually, I just graduated and moved to NYC.
Sears Guy: Wow, that's great! What do you do there?
Me: I'm an actor and a babysitter.
Sears Guy: Ah! Can I have your autograph?
Which, yes, I willingly gave. People in my hometown thought it was cool to come across an actor. If I were to tell someone in a store in nyc that I was an actor, I would likely get the "oh you poor thing" pat on the shoulder or just a roll of the eyes. Needless to say, I am back in the city and reinvigorated to get criticized, bashed, and disappointed and maybe, just maybe, have that 2% of sweet success!

So as you approach your new year and reflect back on everything that has happened to you remember: you've got to keep trying in order to get anything, you will fail more times than you will succeed, and the 10 extra pounds you added is really just baby fat catching up with you. 

It's A Small World After All!

Who knew a Disney theme park ride was actually teaching us all an important life lesson?

You never know who you are sitting with in the audition room, on the subway, in a starbucks (*cough* Sam Gold), or at a show. New York is bustling with famous actors, producers, designers, casting directors, agents, and artistic directors, and you just never know who you are around. Maybe that awkward person who sits in the non equity lounge day after day having just graduated with pigeon toes and wiry hair will turn out to be the next Sutton Foster.

I just found out that a guy who I worked with at Roswell Village Playhouse when I was 5 years old is taking over the starring role in War Horse on Broadway. Who knew when I was dressed up as a Dalmatian performing in my first ever play about eating too much popcorn, the guy I was seeing every day in the lobby was going to be a Broadway star! (Of course my fellow animal, popcorn eating cast mates are thinking, "why not me?!?!")

It's a small world after all! So you need to take some advice from Santa and be nice...to EVERYONE. You can't really afford to make any enemies, and you always need to be on your game (rehearsal, audition, interview, show). This also means when you are gossiping with your friend in the equity lounge people are listening and likely know who you are talking about! I also recently discovered the beauty of the conversations in the ladies dressing room. Gossip ain't just for middle schoolers any more, folks! But really, just don't talk so loud. It's rude. People are trying to practice their monologues, do zin tae kwan doe yoga, or finish The Help.

The hardest thing to remember is when seeing a show that is fabulously perfect (which, have you ever even encountered one of those? What's the beauty of theatre if you can't at least critique it or have differing opinions!)---Talk About It! BUT if you have any qualms at all, use the six block rule (which I learned from SpringboardNYC!) Before you start talking about the show, wait 6 blocks. Why you ask? You never know who is at the show. Example: back when I studied in London we saw a production of A Midsummer Nights Dream. The production was pretty good, but the Puck was kind of terrible. Now we were sitting in the very top balcony, why would anyone of importance be sitting in those crappy seats? Well, my friend went to the bathroom at intermission and was talking to another friend about the crappy acting Puck was doing. The lady behind her tapped her shoulder and said "that's my son". MAMA DRAMA!

Heard of the six degrees of separation? In NYC, as huge as it seems, it's more like one! Almost every theatre person I meet and facebook friend has at least two people in common. So if you see someone you hate at an audition, do what many actors do....act like you are best friends and are genuinely interested in what they are working on. Then, when you see them two days later, act like it's been ages since yall have talked (I can't tell you how much of this I see/do...)

So the life lesson is this: When you wake up early in the morning for an audition after a long exhausting weekend, make sure you drink some coffee. That way, you won't get to the audition and realize you forgot to put on deodorant!

Yes, Our Teeth and Ambitions are Bared!

For actors, preparation is the key to success. Whether you are preparing for the audition, callback, rehearsals, or show. It’s all about the process and finding character, relationships, themes etc. So if rehearsing is one of the most important aspects of our lives…why don’t people do it before an audition?!?!

So let’s start with monologue choice. It’s just about the hardest thing to do for an audition because there are so many plays, characters, and speeches that can be done. Let me tell you right now though, there are some things you should NEVER do! (And yes, I am saying all of these things because I have seen them done in an audition. Eves dropping may be punishable in middle school, but there are no teachers in the holding room!)

1. Accents when one is not asked of you. A Russian “To Kill a Mockingbird”? I think not….
2. No one cares about what your grandmother left you in her will, what you did four summers ago, or how you felt about your second grade boyfriend. I think we are all capable of telling stories. Please, try to “do” something to the person  on the other side of your monologue besides making them listen to a pointless story from a billion years ago.
3. Guess what? A two minute or less monologue means two minutes or less….not three minutes, not two minutes 20 seconds. 2 minutes. Period.
4.  How would you feel if you were screamed at first thing in the morning? What about after watching 200 some auditions? You wouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t think the auditioners do either, so refrain from monologues that sound like this “Fuck you for ruining my life! I never want to speak with you again!” (Hint: they probably won’t).

Now that you know how not to choose a monologue, perhaps you should make sure you know how to present yourself in an audition. This segment I will base off of the tv show of the same name, What NOT to Wear.

1.  If you are above the age of 55, with extremely large, sagging boobs, don’t wear a see through white dress that barely covers those boobs and shows your black thong underneath. It scares the other actors.
2.  Wearing a huge black tango skirt is appropriate when you are salsa dancing or need to hide a third leg.
3.  Going with a bold choice to wear a bright purple shirt and rainbow suspenders in your headshot is one thing. Wearing that same outfit to the audition, is another.
4.  If I can see your blue bra very clearly underneath your intentionally ripped down the front shirt, so can the casting director.

This isn’t brain surgery, people. Do you need me to buy you a mirror? Or do you think that’s actually “you at your best”? Maybe your friends should sign you up for What Not to Wear.

Lastly, I will briefly touch on headshots and resumes since this is what you will be sending to casting directors long before they even see your beautiful face.

1. We are currently in the year 2011. That means that things are no longer black and white and your headshot shouldn’t be either. Please run to the nearest headshot photographer and get your photos redone if this is the case.
2.  When cropping your photo you want to make sure your whole head is in the picture not just your face from the top of your forehead to your chin. You might also want to, ya know, Photoshop all the acne on your face, out of it.
3. Wow, what a beautiful 30-year-old woman in that picture. Hm, that’s weird, the person standing in that spot in line is at least 50. Sweetheart, it’s time for new headshots.
4.  Sure, you should staple your resume to the back of your headshot, but please don’t staple a cover letter as well…
5.  Really, everyone wants to know your height, weight, DOB, weight at birth, height in heels, dress size when you haven’t eaten for a week, the length from your elbow to your wrist…need I go on? Give them your name, phone number, and email! That’s it!
6.  To go along with number 5. Including your hair and eye color is just insulting the auditioners. THAT’S WHY THERE IS A HEADSHOT ATTACHED!

Hopefully, this advice was not new to you, but gave you a boost of confidence knowing that professional NY actors have made these mistakes, thus you must be smarter than at least some of them! Just being ready for an audition, already puts you ahead in the game.

P.S Yes, the title is a lyric from Lion King’s “Be Prepared” song. Ten points to gryffindor if you got the reference! 

There’s No Business Like Show Business (except maybe corporations)

**As (you) stumble along through life’s crazy journey** if you find yourself thinking **it’s the hard knock life** and instead you are being **pulled in a new direction**, **follow your heart** and try to start working for **money money money**

I have been fortunate enough to spend the past two weekends on mini vacation, and yet because I am an actor, I found plenty of time to be thinking about theatre, auditioning, and acting. I went back to college (**life was so simple back then**) and hung out largely with the theatre crowd. I had the chance to see a show, visit a class, improv with friends, and work on one of my audition monologues. Of course, many of my conversations were about the shows I’d seen, the last play I auditioned for, and yes, occasionally busting out into some musical theatre song. We are theatre majors, and as much as we hate the stereotype, it’s true.  A large majority of my conversations went something like this:

Vaguely interested person: So, have you got in anything yet?

Me: I’ve understudied, but no part yet.

Less interested person: Oh, okay. Well, do you have a job?

Me: I babysit!

Now non-interested person: Cool. Well, good luck with that.

Then, this past weekend, I went to Punkin Chunkin in Delaware with a group of mostly graduated engineering majors. Their conversations were about how happy they were with their new full time **working 9 to 5** jobs that make money and allow them to have stock, savings accounts, and money for food. I listened, and nodded, like “yeah, I totally understand that!” when really all I was thinking is “Damn it!! Why couldn’t I be happy doing some job that actually makes money!!!” So here is where I give you advice you’ve heard over and over again: Find something you love that isn’t in the arts. I plan on letting my future kids pursue whatever they want, but dear god I pray that it is something like business or engineering. (Mom and Dad, god bless you for letting me be a crazy theatre actor)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I couldn’t be happier with my low-income life style. I love waking up to audition at 6am, and babysitting kids I feel like are my own, and eating Ramen noodles often. It’s completely worth it for me. I mean, geez, at least there is money in film, but NO, I have to love the “live” stuff!  So, why do I love theatre? How come I can’t be happy doing something else (at least just yet)? Because performing is the greatest feeling in the world. Because of the insane thrill of heated lights on my face, a crowd on the edge of their seats, and a chance to be anything I create. **I believe that God has a plan for all of us** And so I wrote this to myself after graduation, and I will share it with the other actors who perhaps feel the same way.

You are an actor: Because your whole body yearns to perform. To speak someone else’s words, to create an entirely new character that can live through only you, and to touch the lives of the audience. You love theatre because it is a service job and because it fulfills every ounce of your being and brings you a rush of feeling and ecstasy that cannot be found in any other aspect of your life.

Ultimately, I can report that I didn’t say much in the conversations involving finance, upscale apartments, and retirement plans. But I did love knowing that these people were completely happy with what they were doing, just as I am completely happy with what I am pursuing!

So in the words of an obnoxious theatre major, I will quote another musical “**If you want to be a dancer, dance. If you want to be a miner, mine**” but I sincerely hope that you don’t want to go into the arts so that you are not poor the rest of your life.

**Living up to my stereotype: Musical Theatre References

***For the record, most theatre people hate this stereotype because we don’t actually all start busting out into song***

Acting is like Gambling (A simile)

An Audition, the preparation for our theatre profession, is a very serious aspect of an acting career. We pine over the perfect monologue, the right introduction, the best outfit, the most flattering hairstyle. We spend hours researching, rehearsing, and biting our nails. Really, it's quite exhausting. We perform our heart out for the entire 2 minutes and 30 seconds we get in the room and leave with the pride of a mother hen. However, at every audition I've gone to since I have been to in New York (35 and counting) I find myself smirking and chuckling at the events that occur in The Holding Room. (See how cleverly I incorporated the title of the blog?!)

I've been observing and taking notes of the audition process and would like to share the hilarity of it all with you. I hope this blog will entertain, give future actors hope, and maybe teach people a little something about what NOT to do at an audition.

So to start off my first post, I will act like a true writer and give you my metaphor for an acting career: The Gambling Game at the Street Fair.

Earlier this summer my friend Ian and I went to a street fair and got roped into playing a gambling game (First lesson: Don't EVER let this happen to you) The basic premise of the game is if you keep giving $5, $10, $20 etc. you continue to have the chance to gain points that cannot be taken away from you. You get to 100 points, you win! The ONLY way you can lose, is to stop playing. Well, once you've been at 94 points for about 45 minutes and have handed over $120, you stop. Well, that's what we did! That's all we were willing to fork over. Now I know you are thinking, how does this pertain to the acting world?
You have to keep giving ALL of you. Auditions, headshots, postcards, meetings, readings, agents, temp work, slave work, prostitution, BUT if you keep going, you will win in the end. The only way to lose is to give up. Everything you do, everything you give, every point you earn, helps you.
Now, I wasn't going to gamble away any more money (Yes, I do own a $120 teddy bear, and it ain't no FAO Swartz quality either) but I will keep giving myself to theatre and acting till I get the "prize" in the end. Don't get me wrong, some actors may need to borrow someone else's money, play a different game, or stop playing all together, but if you want it badly enough, you WILL keep playing.

After that deep, insightful thought, I will give you some time to mull over it. Future posts will be filled with funny observations from the audition holding room.
***Disclamer: If you find yourself reading this blog thinking "Oh shoot, this is me!" know that I am not being mean, just laughing at you***

I will leave you with this: After sitting in on some auditions, some professional actors (more than you would think) are, well, idiots. I say that lovingly, I do, because after all, we are all in this together (Yes, I did just use a High School Musical quote). For all of those people who wonder where we get the phrase "All actors are crazy" this blog is for you!