Yes, Our Teeth and Ambitions are Bared!

For actors, preparation is the key to success. Whether you are preparing for the audition, callback, rehearsals, or show. It’s all about the process and finding character, relationships, themes etc. So if rehearsing is one of the most important aspects of our lives…why don’t people do it before an audition?!?!

So let’s start with monologue choice. It’s just about the hardest thing to do for an audition because there are so many plays, characters, and speeches that can be done. Let me tell you right now though, there are some things you should NEVER do! (And yes, I am saying all of these things because I have seen them done in an audition. Eves dropping may be punishable in middle school, but there are no teachers in the holding room!)

1. Accents when one is not asked of you. A Russian “To Kill a Mockingbird”? I think not….
2. No one cares about what your grandmother left you in her will, what you did four summers ago, or how you felt about your second grade boyfriend. I think we are all capable of telling stories. Please, try to “do” something to the person  on the other side of your monologue besides making them listen to a pointless story from a billion years ago.
3. Guess what? A two minute or less monologue means two minutes or less….not three minutes, not two minutes 20 seconds. 2 minutes. Period.
4.  How would you feel if you were screamed at first thing in the morning? What about after watching 200 some auditions? You wouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t think the auditioners do either, so refrain from monologues that sound like this “Fuck you for ruining my life! I never want to speak with you again!” (Hint: they probably won’t).

Now that you know how not to choose a monologue, perhaps you should make sure you know how to present yourself in an audition. This segment I will base off of the tv show of the same name, What NOT to Wear.

1.  If you are above the age of 55, with extremely large, sagging boobs, don’t wear a see through white dress that barely covers those boobs and shows your black thong underneath. It scares the other actors.
2.  Wearing a huge black tango skirt is appropriate when you are salsa dancing or need to hide a third leg.
3.  Going with a bold choice to wear a bright purple shirt and rainbow suspenders in your headshot is one thing. Wearing that same outfit to the audition, is another.
4.  If I can see your blue bra very clearly underneath your intentionally ripped down the front shirt, so can the casting director.

This isn’t brain surgery, people. Do you need me to buy you a mirror? Or do you think that’s actually “you at your best”? Maybe your friends should sign you up for What Not to Wear.

Lastly, I will briefly touch on headshots and resumes since this is what you will be sending to casting directors long before they even see your beautiful face.

1. We are currently in the year 2011. That means that things are no longer black and white and your headshot shouldn’t be either. Please run to the nearest headshot photographer and get your photos redone if this is the case.
2.  When cropping your photo you want to make sure your whole head is in the picture not just your face from the top of your forehead to your chin. You might also want to, ya know, Photoshop all the acne on your face, out of it.
3. Wow, what a beautiful 30-year-old woman in that picture. Hm, that’s weird, the person standing in that spot in line is at least 50. Sweetheart, it’s time for new headshots.
4.  Sure, you should staple your resume to the back of your headshot, but please don’t staple a cover letter as well…
5.  Really, everyone wants to know your height, weight, DOB, weight at birth, height in heels, dress size when you haven’t eaten for a week, the length from your elbow to your wrist…need I go on? Give them your name, phone number, and email! That’s it!
6.  To go along with number 5. Including your hair and eye color is just insulting the auditioners. THAT’S WHY THERE IS A HEADSHOT ATTACHED!

Hopefully, this advice was not new to you, but gave you a boost of confidence knowing that professional NY actors have made these mistakes, thus you must be smarter than at least some of them! Just being ready for an audition, already puts you ahead in the game.

P.S Yes, the title is a lyric from Lion King’s “Be Prepared” song. Ten points to gryffindor if you got the reference!